It’s come up a lot lately in sessions with clients – how getting around to sex can feel like the way we often treat exercise. It’s easier in the beginning of a relationship, when hormones, romance, and fantasy drive your desire. But when people are together for a long time, they often go through stages where it feels like work to have sex. You know, you’ve got to take off your clothes, climb the stairs AND somehow get your mind involved. Once in it, and especially afterwards, you think it’s great and are glad you did it. “We should do this more often!” is the common refrain.

If you are in a stage like that now, then go ahead treat it like exercise. Schedule it. Make yourself show up in the right state of undress. Just get going. Don’t worry about the outcome or expectations. If you only make one lap around the track, at least you tried. In these stages, it’s about making a habit and a commitment to show up, whether intrinsically driven or not. Just like exercise, good sex will make you feel good and make it that much easier to get engaged the next time. Eventually, it’s not going to feel like work anymore. Desire can ebb and flow, so the important thing is to adapt to those fluctuations and maintain some momentum in your intimate life.

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Sexual desire – does one of you want more?

Need couples counseling? Here are some signs.

Saying maybe – instead of saying no

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