The answers I give couples, written out.
These are the questions people actually bring me — about desire, avoidance, expectations, and whether any of this is fixable. No listicles, no ten tips. Just what I’d tell you if you were sitting across from me.
Depending on where you are.
If you’d rather not scroll through everything, these are the pieces most people find useful first.
Wondering whether to get help at all
You’re not sure it’s bad enough, or that therapy would change anything.
Working out who to see, and what it involves
The practical questions people are slightly embarrassed to ask.
Recognizing yourself in the pattern
Where the avoidance came from, and why trying harder hasn’t worked.
If reading isn’t where you are right now — the Better Sex Podcast covers the same ground weekly, and the sex life quiz takes about five minutes and gives you something concrete to talk about. Or you can request an appointment.
All posts.
Why it is so powerful to work on your sex life
Couples come to me after marriage counseling and have made great strides in dealing with many issues. Except their sex life hasn't improved. What may be surprising is that it works way better in reverse! If you take on what needs to change to transform your sex life,...
Playing your side of the court
It's important to work as a team on your issues, but it's also important to focus on your own part! Confront yourself first, focus on you, and yet collaborate. https://youtu.be/0Ohwd4F4FuA
Sexual Avoidance Cycle – Just the Tip Tuesday
Couples commonly get into a cycle of avoiding sex. It starts when sex starts to feel tense, disappointing, or problematic. Once that happens enough, it can feel fraught - or risky - because you anticipate a "bad" outcome. At that point, it's natural to start to avoid...
You are not broken
Sexual struggles are common and normal. There are so many good reasons for people to have issues, and it does not mean you are broken (or your relationship is broken), if you do! https://youtu.be/Qo-CvsnSJ7w
Will An Emotional Affair Kill Your Relationship?
Originally written for Mind Body Green -https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/will-emotional-affair-kill-your-relationship Infidelity, dishonesty, cheating, secrecy, affairs—these are all words that describe potential death blows to your relationship. While you may...
Talking to your partner about sexual concerns
Sometimes bringing up our concerns is the hardest part of solving them. I have suggestions to make this easier - how to prepare for the conversations, how to approach your partner, and how to talk about sex in a way that's supportive and constructive....
Sexual Satisfaction Scale
This new tool is a great way to talk to your partner about what you each value in sex. You spend time identifying what makes your sex life the most satisfying (and the least), examine the themes that are relevant to you, and then discuss with your partner. This may...
This is how to apologize to your partner
Originally written for Mind Body Green - https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/how-to-say-sorry-right-way-to-apologize-to-your-partner A good apology can make a world of difference in repairing the rifts that all relationships encounter. But it's easy to miss the...
The Taker/Allower Exercise
The Giver/Receiver exercise is designed to help you practice what I call the nine tenants of a healthy sex life: prioritizing intimacy, communicating about sex, accessing desire, enjoying the journey, being present, being okay with “no,” being selfish, being giving,...
Exploring Eroticism
In several previous posts, I have written about the importance of being able to talk openly with your partner about your sex life. Whether you talk about your sexual history, the difficulties you’re having in your current relationship, or what your desires are,...
Be Giving
In last week’s blog, I talked about how being selfish can help you better enjoy your sex life. Asking for what you want and accepting all the pleasure you deserve is healthy. But just as there is a time to be selfish, there is a time to be giving. Phase 8 – Giving...
Be Selfish
For the last few weeks, I have been offering my nine tenants of a happy sex life and how the Giver/Receiver exercise can help you practice them. Let’s get to number seven. Phase 7 – Being Selfish Most people are raised to believe that selfishness is bad. And it...