The answers I give couples, written out.
These are the questions people actually bring me — about desire, avoidance, expectations, and whether any of this is fixable. No listicles, no ten tips. Just what I’d tell you if you were sitting across from me.
Depending on where you are.
If you’d rather not scroll through everything, these are the pieces most people find useful first.
Wondering whether to get help at all
You’re not sure it’s bad enough, or that therapy would change anything.
Working out who to see, and what it involves
The practical questions people are slightly embarrassed to ask.
Recognizing yourself in the pattern
Where the avoidance came from, and why trying harder hasn’t worked.
If reading isn’t where you are right now — the Better Sex Podcast covers the same ground weekly, and the sex life quiz takes about five minutes and gives you something concrete to talk about. Or you can request an appointment.
All posts.
Will insurance cover couples therapy
Does Insurance Cover Couples Therapy? Here's Why the Answer Is Usually No One of the most common questions I hear from prospective clients is, "Can I use my insurance for couples therapy?" I wish the answer were yes. Healthy relationships have an enormous impact on...
Will Couples Therapy Work
Will Couples Therapy Work? Only If You’re Willing to Do This “Will couples therapy work?” It’s one of the first questions couples carry into my office, whether they say it out loud or not. Sometimes it sounds like, “We’ve tried talking and nothing changes.”Sometimes...
How to find a sex therapist
If you’re considering sex therapy, you’re not alone—and you’re certainly not broken. Seeking professional help for your sexual concerns doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed or that something is “terribly wrong.” It simply means you’re ready to get perspective,...
The problem with going to sex therapy
The Problem With Going to Sex Therapy That No One Talks About Sex therapy is often presented as the gold standard solution for intimacy problems. When couples are really stuck—especially around desire, avoidance, or mismatched libido—it’s the thing people are told to...
When to get couples counseling
When to Get Couples Counseling: Why Sooner is Almost Always Better Every relationship goes through rough patches. Some are temporary hiccups, easily smoothed over with time or conversation. Others become persistent cycles: arguments that repeat, topics that are...
Can Sex Therapy Save a Marriage?
Many couples come to me wondering: Is it too late? Is our marriage beyond repair? Can sex therapy really make a difference? These questions often carry fear — the fear that sexual struggles are permanent, that feeling sexually disconnected is harming their...
What Happens in Sex Therapy
When couples first consider sex therapy, there’s often a swirl of questions and misconceptions. “Do we have to touch or be naked?” “Will we only talk about sex?” “Is something wrong with me or my partner?” Let me reassure you: sex therapy is talk therapy — explicitly...
What if I don’t have spontaneous desire for sex?
It's a myth that you are supposed to have spontaneous desire for sex. Some people do, but others only feel desire after they've gotten aroused. This "reactive" desire is important! https://youtu.be/flSq1zVKCf8
Don’t get your ideas about sex from porn
Porn is not sex. It's entertainment. And as such, it's not the place to learn about how sex should go. https://youtu.be/kVirNn9edHI
Your expectations are what’s keeping you stuck
We have so many ideas about how sex is supposed to work. The problem is that most of these are unrealistic and unhelpful. In this week's Just the Tip Tuesday, I talk about how to examine your expectations and why you'd want to. https://youtu.be/1AYrQpiVFsA
Are you stuck in an avoidance cycle?
So many couples end up avoiding sex. They get caught in a loop of disappointment, avoidance, and pressure. https://youtu.be/_bXDrs4LPk8
How it feels to struggle
When sex is working, it feels pretty important. When it isn't, it feels huge! https://youtu.be/rRCwqWo7Z3k