Conversation Starters

What is your favorite time of day?

If someone cheats on their partner, should they tell them or not?

Given the power to rewind, what is it that you would do differently in your life?

If all crimes are made legal for a day, which offense are you most likely to commit?

If deserted on an island what would you miss the most?

Do you find yourself attractive?

What is one thing which you would want to change in yourself?

When did you feel happy recently and why?

What is your most embarrassing moment to date?

Who is emotionally closest to you? To whom do you relate?

What are you grateful for in life?

What is your worst fear?

What is being successful in life mean to you?

What is your opinion on transparency between couples?

Do you have any secrets in life that you have kept from me?

Do you like flirting?

If there is something you like me to work on, what is it?

What is it that you like the most about me?

What do you think is the best quality in you?

Who was your first high school crush?

What is your best childhood memory?

If you could describe yourself in two words what would they be?

Who is it that you look up to in your life and why?

How important is my career to you?

Who is your role model in your family?

What do you like in your best friend and why?

What is the meaning of family to you?

If you won the lottery, what is the first thing you will spend the money on?

What is your opinion on giving back to society?

How often do you prioritize my needs above yours? How often do I prioritize yours over my own?

Is there anything you consider bad that happened to you this month?

Do you have anything in your past that you find difficult to face or work through?

In your definition, what would a perfect day look like?

What are your favorite things that we do in bed?

What’s the worst thing you’ve ever been through that you’ve not told me about yet?

What teacher had the greatest impact on you?

How big a risk taker are you?

What would you like to be able to experience for the first time again?

Is being sensitive a strength or a weakness?

Is love stronger than hate?

Is there anything you look back at and think, "I would never do that again."

What was your favorite thing on the playground when you were a kid?

What qualities do you most appreciate in a friend?

What songs make you remember high school?

What was your favorite thing to do when you were a kid?

Is there enough fun and adventure in your life?

What's the most scenic landscape you've travelled through?

For what episode in your childhood do you probably owe your parents an apology?

Should kids be raised in a religion or allowed to figure it out on their own?

Do you believe in love at first sight?

When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

Are there any pictures of you that you'd like to have destroyed?

What's your favorite guilty pleasure?

What makes you blush?

What show or movie do you think is overrated?

What school subject always came easy to you?

Have you won a competition or contest?

What was your worst vacation experience?

Has there ever been an opportunity you turned down and now wish you'd accepted?

What is the perfect place to settle down after retirement?

What are your thoughts about marriage? Is it something you have wanted? Something that isn’t that important? What is different about being married rather than just in a committed relationship?

Do you believe in life-long commitment?

What made you feel I am the one?

Do you think you have the freedom to be yourself in our relationship?

Do you feel we communicate openly in our relationship? If no, how can we improve it?

What makes you feel appreciated in our relationship?

Did I hurt you anytime? If yes, how can I avoid doing it?

What are your deal breakers in a relationship?

What change did you see in yourself after being in a relationship with me?

If today is my last day on earth, what would you want to do?

What is the best advice you have received to date?

When facing a problem, who is the first person you go to seeking help?

What is your biggest regret in life? What led to it? What did you learn? How have you changed since then because of it?

Who is your support system?

What are the five things that made you who you are now?

What are the three qualities in you which you would want your children to inherit?

What is your biggest adventure in life to date?

Do you think we have a role in keeping each other happy for the rest of our lives? If so, how can we?

Family, money, friends what is the order of priority for you?

Do you think the best time in your life is in your past, present, or future?

Have you ever fallen asleep during something important?

What are you looking forward to in the next year?

Is there anything you would never be willing to give up in a relationship?

What smell reminds you of your childhood?

If you had to take a tourist one place where you live, where would you take them?

Did you have a nickname growing up?

Did you try anything for the first time in the last year?

What do you know how to make or build with your hands?

Do you think the internet is making people more or less social than we used to be?

When was the last time you felt like giving up on something?

If you had a time machine, would you rather travel to the future or the past?

Would you rather lose all memories of the past or not be able to form new memories?

Are you a picky eater?

Have you ever dated someone your parents or friends hated?

What is something you learned in school that you've never had use for in the real world?

Have you ever said "I love you" without meaning it?

Would you be a very different person if you'd had different parents?

What is your first memory of me?

What's your favorite TV show of all time?

If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would you be?

What's the worst thing about getting old?

Would you want to know when you are going to die? How it would happen?

Do you think you get enough in return for the taxes that you pay?

What do you think is the purpose of life?

Can you tell a lot about a person by their appearance?

If you could be either more attractive or more intelligent, which would you choose?

How far back can you trace your family tree?

Is there any place you've visited that you'd never want to go back to?

If you could pass one law that everyone had to follow, what would it be?

Are you still in contact with your first love?

Is 21 too young to get married?

How do you want to be remembered?

What does living a good life mean to you?

Would there be more or fewer divorces if people could read each other's minds?

If calories didn't exist and all food was healthy, what would you eat more of?

Want to get something yummy for dinner?

Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

Would you like to be famous? In what way?

Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

What's the most helpful or supportive thing I could do for you in the next day or so?

What's the nicest thing you've said about me to someone else when I wasn't there?

What would you do if you knew you could not fail?

If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be? Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

What do you value most in a friendship?

What is your most treasured memory?

What roles do love and affection play in your life?

What does friendship mean to you?

Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

How do you feel about your relationship with your mother? With your father?

How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling... “

What was an embarrassing moment for you in your life?

When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

You/our house catches fire and everyone (including pets) are safe. You have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

When did you know you were in love with me?

What do you remember thinking to yourself the first time you saw me?

What are three qualities about me that you were first attracted to?

What are three of your happiest memories of our early days together?

Is there a smell or a sound that you remember from our early days that still makes you smile?

If our love story was a movie, what movie does it most closely resemble?

What was your favorite date that we ever had? What made it so special for you?

How and when did you know we’d make it as a couple?

What are three strengths you see between us that we possess as a team?

How did you know you wanted to be with me? Did it happen in a moment or over time?

How do I make you feel especially loved in our relationship?

What are some of the little things I do that kind of drive you nuts but also that you secretly like about me?

What’s your favorite sexual memory of us? Or top three memories?

What do we do for each other that no one else could do?

What principles of partnership do we both believe in?

Do you think there's such a thing as a "harmless" lie?

Do you believe in God? Reincarnation? Karma? An afterlife?

What would you tell your 20 year old self? Your 10 year old self?

What has been your biggest heartbreak? What lessons did you take from that?

What's the best piece of advice you ever received? How did you apply it (or not)?

What would you do if you had a different career? If you could do anything?

What would you do if you knew you could not fail?

What is the thing you experienced in your "family of origin" that you most want to keep or maintain? What is the thing you most want to stop or change?

What are you most proud of?

What are you hoping to learn in the coming year?

How could I better support your hopes and dreams?

What kind of things are on your bucket list? What are your top 3?

Where do you see us in 5 years? 10? 25? Describe where and how we're living.

What are some of the things you're most grateful for?

Are there any people - friends or relatives - you want to get closer to?

What would you most regret if you were to die soon?

What would you most regret if you were to die soon?

Is there anything about me you don't currently know but want to?

When was the last time you cried?

How does your life compare to how you imagined it growing up?

What do you consider your best quality? My best quality?

What would you do if you won the lottery?

Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

When you were a child and you were injured, to whom did you run?

When you were a child and you were sick, who took care of you?

When you were a child and you were upset, how did your parents respond to you? What if you were angry with him/her? What if you were crying?

Which adult played with you, just you, when you were a child?

When you were a child who put you to bed at night? When you got scared or had nightmares, what would you do to comfort yourself? Who did you tell?

Did anything frightening happen to you that was out of the ordinary when you were a child?

When you were a child, what did your parent’s marriage look like to you? Were they affectionate? Did they fight? Did you see them apologize to each other?

What is one thing you would do differently than your parents and one thing that you think they did particularly well – either in their own marriage or in their parenting?

Which parent was best at calming, comforting, soothing you? Scale of 1 to 10, how good were they?

Did either of your parents get upset easily when you were growing up?

Did either parent ever apologize to you when you were a child?

Did either parent ever stick up for you when you were a child

When you were a child, did either parent cry a lot?

When you were a child, did either parent criticize you a lot?

What did affection, love, and support look like in your family (if there was any)? Who was it between? Where didn’t it exist?

What kind of support and love did you see between your parents, if any? In what ways have these experiences shaped your tendencies with love and affection as an adult?

Did your family talk about sex? In what kind of way?

Did you get “the talk?” when you were a kid” Who sat you down and how did that go? What were the messages you got?

Was there any sexual energy between your parents? How did you feel about that? Was it appropriate and within bounds? Was it excessive and lacking boundaries?

Was there any sexual energy between anyone else in the family? Any sexual contact? What happened? Was it known or acknowledged by family members? If so, how was it treated? How did you feel about it?

What exactly is it that you worry most about but know you have no control over?

Which of these is most important to you and why: financial security or personal happiness?

What do you do when you’re trying to show me how much you love me?

What is the first thing that you can still remember about me?

What bad habits do I have that bother you?

Were there secrets in your family growing up? How do you know? What were you told and what did you infer?

What’s the greatest thing we should be trying to achieve together in our relationship?

Is there anything I’ve ever done that inspired you?

What are some of the ways you truly feel heard?

What is your relationship with money? What is it for?

What are your tendencies toward dealing openly with issues versus hiding them?

Is there anything you’re finding difficult to accept despite knowing that it’s true?

How have previous partners treated you? How did you treat them?

What was in your mind when we first met?

What’s the worst insult someone has ever directed at you?

Have you had experiences with pornography that have influenced your view of sex or of erotic media?

How did you feel about your body when you were growing up? How do you feel about it now?

Do I ever act hypocritically?

Do you think there’s any hobby we could take up together in the near future?

Were there substance abuse issues in your family? If so, who struggled? How were they handled and how did your household adapt? Are these issues relevant to your life now?

Do you feel that I’m truly supportive of your dreams?

If we could live anywhere in the world, where would you like it to be?

What was your first impression about me?

Were there money issues in your family growing up? Were these spoken about? How did the family navigate around the topic?

What moral value is the most important to you?

In what ways can I make you feel more special?

What did you learn about honesty versus secrecy growing up? How do you handle secrecy now? What’s the difference between private and secret?

Do you have any resentment towards me for something I have done?

Do you truly feel loved?

feel very proud of you when…

Was there mental illness in your family growing up (anxiety/depression/something more significant)? How did these struggles play out in your house as you grew up? Are these issues relevant to your life now?

What expectations about sex have you developed over the years? How have these expectations changed?

What particular dream would you want me to assist you realize?

If I had an incredible career offer, would you quit your job and move with me?

Is there anything that you feel intimidated about? Would you feel safe talking about an embarrassing secret from your past?

I love you because…

Let’s say you could do anything you wanted, what would you do?

Have you broken anyone’s heart?

Of all your accomplishments in life, which one are you most proud of?

If it were possible, what life advice would you give to your teenage self?

Is there any way I can better be there for you?

What makes a perfect gift for you?

One thing that I love most about you is…

Is there anything that I’ve done recently that made you particularly happy?

Let’s talk about what we each need more of in our relationship.

Is there anything I can do to support and encourage you?

Is there anything you would truly like to change about our relationship?

Was there anything that messed you up during your childhood?

In what ways do you feel I can better express my love for you?

As an adult, what is your biggest fear?

What are we most grateful for about our relationship?

Honestly, what do you think my major insecurities are?

What are the things you feel I do best in our relationship?

Between true friendship and sexual attraction, which is more important in a relationship?

At what point did you realize that I was the person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with?

Do you feel spouses/partners should care more about themselves than their children?

Do you feel our relationship has helped you develop your emotional skills?

Do you believe in soulmates?

What is the nicest compliment someone has ever given you?

What areas of our relationship do you think are the weakest and that we need to develop?

What is it that you like most about me?

What three words would you use in describing yourself?

Tell me something that you particularly admire about me.

If you had a year off, what are the things you would want to do?

How often would you like to go out on a date with me? What kinds of things would you want to do?

Thinking about our relationship, what aspect of it makes you happiest?

What do you value most about me?

Do you feel satisfied with the amount of time we spend together?

In what ways have your priorities changed in the last 5 years?

In general, do you think you’re more extroverted or introverted?

What would be something unforgivable to do in our relationship?

What are the three things you think we have most in common?

How much do you think your personality resists or is open to change?

What takes your breath away about me?

How could I be a better partner to you?

What would be the best thing about growing old together?

What relationship lessons have you learned since we became partners?

Are there any beliefs you grew up with that you’ve now rejected?

Is there any profound thing you’ve learned from me since we’ve been together?

In what ways can I show that I respect, appreciate, and truly listen to you?

Is there any profound thing you’ve learned from me since we’ve been together?

In what ways can I show that I respect, appreciate, and truly listen to you?

How safe do you feel being around me?

What is one big disappointment you’ve experienced and can’t forget?

How much of your needs does our relationship meet?

If you could change anything, what would you change about yourself?

It bothers me whenever you…

What are some of the things we’ve done together that are special to you?

What are the things you would want me to do to make our relationship more interesting and exciting?

What brings you joy the most?

If you could alter one big decision you’ve made in your life, what would that be?

Whenever you’re upset, would you prefer me to talk to you or give you some space?

Is there any way I have helped you learned something about who you are?

What aspect of your appearance are you most sensitive about?

Are you truly content with the way our relationship is going? What would you change?

Is there any situation in which you would want me to lie for you?

Would you like to go out more or stay at home more?

What movie or book has influenced your life the most? Which have you enjoyed the most?

Are there good memories you still relish from your childhood?

If you could unwind the hands of times, what would you like to witness firsthand?

What is one thing that you can’t do and that you’re embarrassed about?

What is the funniest thing you’ve ever seen me do?

What specifically do I do that makes you feel truly loved?

Do you feel truly respected in our relationship? Is there anything I can do to make you feel more respected?

Is there anything romantic I could do for you?

Is there anything happening currently that you’d like my advice on?

What are the things you don’t like about me or that irritates you about me?

Do you feel I appreciate you enough in our relationship?

What are your biggest dreams?

Do you feel like I’m proud of you as my partner?

Do you ever wish you could read my mind like Superman? Do you wish I could read yours?

What’s your favorite memory since we’ve been together?

Do I give you enough alone time? or do I give you too much?