Books and Links
These are some of my favorite resources about sex, intimacy and relationships.
I do receive a small percentage on any Amazon, Beducated or MedAmour purchases you make.
Free webinar – How to Want Sex Again WITHOUT it feeling like a chore. In 60 minutes:
- Make it easier to access your desire for intimacy
- Change the dynamics with your partner so that intimacy can be fun and easy for both of you
- Create an intimate life that you can enjoy, without having to think about it
Free 10 min overview of the Intimacy With Ease Method – what it takes to become an easily intimate couple
Free Quiz – How healthy is your sex life? Answer 30 questions and get an idea of which areas need improvement and some steps to take to do that.
A free guide: Talking to your partner about your sexual concerns
The Better Sex Podcast – a weekly show featuring a variety of expert guests and topics
Intimacy and desire; Awaken the passion in your relationship. By Dr. David Schnarch — This is an approachable book that addresses sexual desire issues between partners.
Arousal; The secret logic of sexual fantasies. by Michael Bader — This is a fascinating theory about what our fantasies and preferences reveal about us.
Sex matters for women; A complete guide to taking care of your sexual self. by Sallie Foley, Dennis Sugrue and Sally Cope — This is the most comprehensive book addressing women’s issues in sexuality.
Guide to getting it on. by Paul Joannides — This is an extremely well-written and entertaining book with explicit discussion of sexual techniques and practices.
Coming home to passion; Restoring loving sexuality in couples with histories of childhood trauma and neglect. by Ruth Cohn — This book explores the impact of childhood issues on sexuality and offers a practical path to recovery.
Resurrecting sex: Solving sexual problems and revolutionizing your relationship. by Dr. David Schnarch – He offers a groundbreaking approach to resolving sexual difficulties and the relationship problems they cause. By showing couples how they can turn their worst sex and relationship disasters into personal growth and spiritual connection, Dr. Schnarch offers couples the best sex of their lives.
Becoming a stepfamily; Patterns of development in remarried families. by Patricia Papernow — This is the seminal book outlining the process to becoming a successful stepfamily. It is out of print, but it is worth finding.
MedAmour – solutions for intimate wellness – I am now an affiliate with MedAmour, a company devoted to the highest quality aid for sexual pleasure and function. Use code JESSAZIMMERMAN to receive $10 off an order of $50 or more.
Prostate cancer resource guide – This is a great site about prostate cancer.
Mojo Upgrade – Mojo Upgrade is an interactive sex questionnaire for couples. They present a list of sexual fantasies to both partners separately and have them indicate their level of interest. After the couple has finished the survey, they compare the answers. If you both gave a positive response to an activity, then they’ll share it; if not, they don’t.
Safer sex resources – Here is a great resource that outlines the risks with various sexual activities and guidance about how to practice safer sex.
OMGYES – “See what science says about women’s pleasure. Explore new ways to increase pleasure based in new research, videos, and simulations. Knowledge for women and partners to make a good thing even better.” A small fee membership site with lots of resources.
Guided by Glow is a guided audio app designed to help users unlock their sexual power through meditative erotic stories. They have over 100 stories already recorded, told from a first person perspective – like you are in the story. Designed for vulva owners. If you use the code BETTERSEX (on the website only), you’ll get $20 off. Then you install the app and use on your phone.
What young women believe about their own sexual pleasure. Why do girls feel empowered to engage in sexual activity but not to enjoy it? For three years, author Peggy Orenstein interviewed girls ages 15 to 20 about their attitudes toward and experiences of sex. She discusses the pleasure that’s largely missing from their sexual encounters and calls on us to close the “orgasm gap” by talking candidly with our girls from an early age about sex, bodies, pleasure and intimacy.
A couple’s guide to the clitoris – This is a great video all about the clitoris with great information about where to find it and how to stimulate it during sex or masturbation. It’s produced by Dr. Paul Joannides, author of the Guide to Getting It On.
The truth about unwanted arousal – Sex educator Emily Nagoski breaks down one of the most dangerous myths about sex and introduces us to the science behind arousal nonconcordance: when there’s a disconnect between physical response and the experience of pleasure and desire.
The secret to desire in a long term relationship. In long-term relationships, we often expect our beloved to be both best friend and erotic partner. But as Esther Perel argues, good and committed sex draws on two conflicting needs: our need for security and our need for surprise. So how do you sustain desire? With wit and eloquence, Perel lets us in on the mystery of erotic intelligence.
It’s not about the nail! – Don’t try to fix it…
If couples’ fights were honest
“Telling children the truth about sex isn’t giving permission for them to have it- and this is the most important part- because nobody has the right to deny them permission for sex but themselves…I never want to be responsible for setting the precedent that another person gets to tell them what to do with their bodies, and especially with their sexuality. I don’t want to be the gateway for a manipulative, potentially abusive boyfriend.” -becomingsupermommy.blogspot.com
Porn is not the problem; you are
“Because when people buy into the belief that porn is addictive, it changes the argument, and all of a sudden, it seems like it is porn and sex that are the problems. Porn addiction becomes a label, and seems to be an explanation, when in fact, it is just meaningless words and platitudes that distract from the real issue. But sex and porn aren’t the problems. You are. -David Ley, Psychology Today
“Becoming an authentic adult means going against the whole drift of the culture. It specifically means, among other things, soothing your own bad feelings without the help of another, pursuing your own goals, and standing on your own two feet. Most people associate such skills with singlehood. But Schnarch finds that marriage can’t succeed unless we claim our sense of self in the presence of another. The resulting growth turns right around and fuels the marriage, enabling passionate sex. And it pays wide-ranging dividends in domains from friendship to creativity to work.” -Pam Weintraub, Psychology Today
Mind mapping; how we manipulate the people we love
“Conventional therapeutic wisdom aside, people typically don’t hurt each other because they’re out of touch, unable to communicate, or can’t help themselves. All too frequently, they do hurtful things with impunity and entitlement simply to gratify their own needs.” – David Schnarch, Psychotherapy Networker
“Older people have sex for the same reasons anyone else does: pleasure, intimacy, excitement, togetherness and fun. Some health concerns don’t change, like the need to practice safe sex. Physical limitations and medical conditions can pose challenges as people reach their 60s, 70s and 80s, but workarounds exist.” -Lisa Espisito
Why I want my daughter to have sex
“Part of empowering girls is not getting in the way of their becoming sexual beings when it is right for them. Supporting girls in their adolescence is about allowing them to develop and explore, just as we would want them to develop and explore any other aspect of themselves. In particular, if we want to empower girls, we need to not overly scare or protect them from their own sexuality. “ – Kristin Luce
Why couples stop having sex; the paradox of yes in saying no
“Far too often I see a resentful woman, with little sexual desire for her partner, married to a resentful man; resentful because of her lack of desire. For a couple to have sex often, neither partner should meet the other with rejection, anger or withdrawal.” – Kyle Benson